On My Mind

When I was in the 7th grade, I never wore makeup, I didn't care what jeans I was wearing or anything, I didn't ever really fix my hair, and I had a huge group of crazy friends that I was always with. Carefree, amazing, awesome. Then the school I went to said it was becoming a magnet school, and I couldn't decide whether or not to fill out an application or get a zone waiver to the new middle school that the majority of my friends were going to. When I learned that the new school wasn't accepting waivers, it was too late to fill out the Magnet school application, and I was stuck going to a brand new school, and I didn't know anyone there. 

When I was in the 8th grade, and the new school, I quickly learned that my hyper, happy, craziness wasn't exactly accepted among the kids, and I was instantly a loser, so I did my school work, very rarely wore makeup, and was kinda a person to joke about among the more "popular" kids. I had a group of people I could talk to, though, and I mostly ignored everyone else. When I started that new school, my younger sister started 6th grade there, too. She's what's on my mind.

I don't recall her ever really getting into makeup until the end of 6th grade, beginning of her 7th. At first, it was totally okay. She didn't wear loads of it, just enough to brighten her face. Then though, she started getting into the Scene/emo look, and at first, she only put on eyeliner, mascara, anything to darken up around her eyes and avoid getting forced to wash it off. She would wear skinny jeans that were more like a second skin, too. But then she started going heavier with the eye makeup, and after a lot of arguing, convinced mom to let her get her hair cut in that Scene style.

And through her entire transformation, I absolutely despised seeing the raccoon face she wore. It seemed like she had no eyes! Her attitude changed, too, and that's one of the things that bothered me most of all.

When I was in the 8th grade, I kinda got mixed up in some things I regret now. The resulting consequences from that, plus the attitude I had then got me grounded. For a good 3 months. My sister's attitude is to that point, and it bothers me because mom will get onto her about it, but barely. She's threatened to ground her like she did me, but as far as I can tell, it just hasn't ever happened.

I guess it's because I'm the older kid, and that's why mom comes down on me so much more, but yet she still doesn't keep the discipline equal between the 3 of us kids. It's almost as if she's given up with my sister.

My sister has an attitude, she swears more than a sailor, she doesn't care about anything it seems like except for her hair, makeup, and just a little bit of school. It worries me so much. She has a friend who is barely 14...she's pregnant. I don't know what to think of anything concerning my sister anymore. It scares me. I worry about her everyday, her future. She has so much there for her, especially with music, but she would be the one who would make one bad decision and everything just be ruined.

I try to be a role model for my younger siblings, but my sister just does her own thing, and you would never know we were related by how differently we act.

I wish we could go back to when we were little again, when we were closest friends, and any box could be a car and we would play house, or tip our rocking chairs and make them high chairs for our dolls, and so on. I wish it could go back to the way it was.

Let's Go.

So I'm about to move out of state, and with all the new changes to my life, I wanted to add something of my own to it, and after thinking, it finally hit me: Start a blog about my life, and stick with it. Even if no one reads it, it's something I could do, something new for me.

Let's start with basics. I'm a sophomore in high school, I live in Tennessee, and I'm about to move to Georgia. It's starting to really hit me hard that I'll be leaving in 19 days. I'm still keeping my head high about it. What's the use in tears, frustration, and depression when it's something I can't do a single thing about? I could be hanging out with friends and be making the most out of everything before I go! So that's exactly what I'm doing, but it's hard when someone asks, "How many days are we down to?" and I reply cheerfully the answer. I think my friends understand why I'm excited, but I know they don't want to see me go, especially when I won't be driving until the summer, so I won't be able to visit anytime soon.

I like blues, greens, and honestly any other bright color. I have a thing for keys and dandelions. My music interest? Forget it, it's too wide spread to really say, but if you want to make me happy, make me a CD I can keep in my future car of Bohemian Rhrapsody on it, and that song only, so I can sing to it the whole drive. I'm stubborn, and I hate when people are upset with me. I don't like being scolded while at school, and goodness knows I have so many derps in one day, no day with me isn't interesting.

So there's part of me, in a nutshell. We'll see what happens with this as I really get into it.